Being Free… chhaap tilak sab chhini

Starting from last quarter of 1946 to the year 1947,  Saint Teresa of Calcutta kept hearing the voice of Jesus which repeatedly called her to become an Indian. Here is an excerpt from one of her dialogues with Jesus-

“I want Indian nuns victims of my love who would be so united with me as to my love on souls. I want free nuns covered with My poverty of the cross.  .. Wilt thou refuse to do this for Me?”

“My own Jesus- what You ask is beyond me- I can hardly understand half of the things You want- I am unworthy- I am sinful- I am weak. – Go and find a more worthy soul, a more generous one.”   

“You have become my spouse for my love. You have come to India for me…… Are you afraid to take one more step for me- for your spouse? Is your generosity grown cold- Am I a second to you?-…… You are afraid that you will lose your vocation- you will become secular- you will be wanting in perseverance- Nay- your vocation is to love and suffer and save souls and by taking this step you will fulfill my heart’s desire for you.”

“I am so afraid Jesus- I am so terribly afraid- let me not be deceived. I am so afraid. This fear shows how much I love myself. I am so afraid of the suffering that will come.-…..”

“You have always been saying ‘do with me as you wish’. Now I want to act, let me do it- my little spouse, my own little one.. Do not fear. I shall be always with you.

You will suffer and you suffer now – but if you are My own little spouse- spouse of crucified Jesus. You will have to bear these torments in your heart. Let me act- refuse me not. Trust me lovingly- trust me blindly.”

“Jesus, my own Jesus- I am only Thine- I am so stupid – I do not know what to say – but do with me as you wish- as long as you wish.. I love you for not what you give but for what you take Jesus.- why can’t I be a perfect Loreto nun- a real victim of your love here- why can’t I be like everybody else. Look at hundreds of  Loreto nuns who have served you perfectly and are now with you. Why can’t I walk the same path and come to you?”

“The poor I want you to bring to me …. You are I know the most incapable person, weak and sinful but just because you are that O want to use you for my glory! Wilt you refuse?”

(Chapter 5, ‘Come be my Light’ -by Father Brian Kolodiejchuk)

As she could not tolerate saying ‘no’ to her beloved Jesus, she unconditionally followed this call and submitted herself completely to His will. Yet, she had to experience a strange feeling of separation from Him. I feel that this whole sequence picturizes the famous sufi kalam written by a 14th century mystic, Amir Khusro (disciple of Hazrat Nizamuddin Awliyah) –

छाप तिलक सब छीनी रे मो ते नैना मिलाइके

बात अगम कह दीनी रे मो ते नैना मिलाइके।

प्रेम भट्टी का मदवा पिलाइके

मतवाली कर लीनी रे मो ते नैना मिलाइके।

गोरी गोरी बईयाँ, हरी हरी चूड़ियाँ

बईयाँ पकड़ मोरी लीनी रे मो ते नैना मिलाइके।

बलि बलि जाऊं मैं तोरे रंग रजवा

अपनी सी रंग दीनी रे मोसे नैना मिलाइके।

ख़ुसरो निजाम के बलि बलि जाइये

मोहे सुहागन कीनी रे मो ते नैना मिलाइके।।

To which the concluding Shlok of Bhagwad Geeta is also related-

सर्वधर्मान्परित्यज्य मामेकं शरणं व्रज । अहं त्वा सर्वपापेभ्यो मोक्षयिष्यामि मा शुचः ॥

(18/66)

Sh Vinod ji Agarwal

 

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